don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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