I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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