no, he came in my armpit
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
