I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
