VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
