I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
