fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
