: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
