he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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