Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
