update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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