She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
