The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
