i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
