we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
