Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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