also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
