If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
