New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
