i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I am naked and annoyed.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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