Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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