He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
