is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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