the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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