I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
