I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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