We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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