I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
