Pappa wants mamma naked
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
