I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
