Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You are the jesus of drinking
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
