Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Plan B is the new Plan A
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
