I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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