i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
