so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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