at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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