I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
