Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
