We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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