So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
