A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
