So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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