Hey man sorry I got all grabby
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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