she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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