Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The adults are the big ones right?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
