My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
