Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
