And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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