Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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