you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
