So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
