found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
