Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
