god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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