I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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